August 10, 1989

The dog days came in purring rather than snarling, but August can't trick us. It can cuddle up to us with record-breaking cold temperatures, and it can softly lick us with gentle breezes from the north, but we won't be lulled into thinking it's a lap dog.
August is not a month to let into your house, into your good graces, regardless of how cute and docile it pretends to be. Chain the month up outside and use a thick chain, because sooner or later its true nature will appear. Sooner or later August will bare its teeth and maul you.
We've see it happen time after time at the coarse turns of the year. A few balmy days in February and people are ready to forgive the prodigal month its transgressions; just in time to have February open the front door and blow the early Easter greeting cards from the mantel with an icy blast.
So, too, with August. We expect such poor behavior from it that when we get a couple days of decency we trumpet its praises. "We don't need to go to Colorado this year," we say, grinning in the glow of the 60 degree morning. "You just can't beat August in Kansas." Children ride their bikes in the middle of the kindly day. Old folks tend their gardens, unconcerned with the sun.
But, believe us, August is out there, hiding behind a tree, chuckling devilishly, waiting for the chance to attack. And so, even though it is a calm 60 degree morning with no mugginess to be found, we will complain. We will complain as a public service, intent on rustling people from their dog day complacence, intent on vaccinating them with a dose of surliness so they will be able to battle the August infection when it returns.
Atop the list of public service complaints is the front page of the Fall Schedule distributed this wee by Reno County Community College, (sometimes mistakenly referred to as HCC.) The Fall Schedule for this school of higher education sports the motto, "Today's Plans...Tomorrow's Realities." Trite, but no cause for outrage. However, the motto is strategically placed beneath a buxom, blown-dried female student who is making goo-goo eyes with a robust, blown-dried male student who is returning the starry-eyed gaze.
Although the girls is holding a book, it's obvious this couple is not discussing Plato. Is this what higher education has become--a moony-eyed ed and a moon-eyed co-ed exchanging sweet nothings in the shadow of the library? Of all the images of education the college could have used, is this the image which best exemplifies education at Reno County Community College? Is the chance to meet members of the opposite sex the primary attraction of the college?
It may be nice outside now, but August is lurking.
And in August, as in the other traditionally warm months of the year, there are social goons, their car windows down and their power-boost stereo systems cranked up as far as the dial will go. On winter days, when even the socially stunted find it necessary to roll up their car windows, polite society is not assaulted by mega level blasts of doltish decibels. During those blessed months the decibels rage inside the goons' cars, adding to their addlepation.
But with the warmth of spring the windows come down, and the cars come out, and the peaceful streets are rattled with pulsating noise. Their minds numbed by the perpetual onslaught, these villians of summer think everyone in the neighborhood wants to listen to their favorite untunes.
Last week we witnessed a woman walking with a cane on Main Street, her hearing weakened by age, she hesitated and looked skyward as a blaring goon machine approached. She looked toward the heavens as if the apocolypse had begun. When she realized the clamor was from a car radio, she shrugged, knowing evil was yet to have its day.
Stay cranky, people. Be not swayed by August's gentle facade. Don't imagine it to be a month of higher learning and sweet music on the radio. As soon as you settle back in the porch swing with a good book, Brahms playing on your stereo, some starry-eyed son of August will drive by and blast you from your bliss. That's just the nature of August.... ~T.Stucky