November 2, 1989

(Offered without apology to Robert Fulghum but with apologies to school teachers everywhere.)

Everything I really needed to know I learned the first day of Little League practice.
* Prepare for life with the proper equipment. If you're going to be a first baseman, get a first baseman's glove. If you're going to be an outfielder, get yourself an outfielder's glove, and if you want to be a catcher make sure all your important parts are adequately protected.
* It's all right if teammates slap you on the butt.
* If the opposing pitcher throws the ball at your head, duck.
* Be pleasant to umpires; they hold a ball/strike counter in one hand, and your fate in the other.
* Smile at your parents in the bleachers; they are the only ones who won't hate you if you strike out with the bases loaded.
* Never strike out with the bases loaded. Even parents can take only so much.
* Keep your eye on the ball at all times. A line drive to the nose can ruin an otherwise good day and spoil your chances to be a television newscaster.
* Sometimes the best team doesn't win.
* If you hit the ball, run. If you miss, try again.
* Use excuses (The sun got in my eyes. It took a bad bounce. The wind must have caught it.) as seldom as possible.
* When you win, shake the other teams' hands. When you lose, shake the other team's hands.
* If you get hit by a hard grounder, throw the runner out before crying.
* If you hit a home run, make sure your mother is watching.
* Coaches think they know everything' humor them by pretending they do.
* Backup your teammates.
* Even if you are scared senseless, step into the batter's box confidently. Everybody's scared, some just don't show it.
* Don't chatter. If you have something important to say, speak, clearly and loudly.
* Don't laugh at your teammates' mistakes. Your mistakes will come and teammates have long memories.
* Make sure your hat is on straight.
* If you hit a home run, smile to yourself. If someone else hits a home run, smile to them.
* If you are at bat in the bottom of the last inning with the score tied and a runner at third, remember this: we reside on a small planet on the inner edge of a galaxy which is one hundred thousand light years across-one of some hundred thousand million known galaxies. ~T.Stucky