January 7, 1982

It was brought to our attention last week that there has been a dearth of controversial letters to the editor in the N.V.N. lately. There are those among us, it seems, who would rather read a saucy note condemning the editor for his shortsightedness than a sociable listing of who went where for dinner. So we promised to do what we could in the next few weeks to foster a certain level of local outrage.
We considered writing a lengthy editorial espousing the virtues of turning off the Pretty Prairie siren permanently. The siren, after all, was the focal point of a good number of letters to the editor in 1981.
But no, that was last year’s controversy and we must move forward in our pursuit of outrage.
Cults have served us well in the past. Some of the most blisteringly eloquent letters we have ever received dealt with cults.
But, no, cults just aren’t “in” anymore. What with unemployment, inflation, Poland, and Rubic Cubes, nobody is too concerned about cults these days.
Politics, however, is always in season. The state legislature convenes next week with a variety of items on the agenda, ranging from prison reform to deteriorating highways to perimutual wagering. While our honorable legislators are diligently contemplating our best interests, there is another consideration which should be added to the legislature docket—our elected officials should vote to make it illegal to grow wheat in Kansas.
Granted, it’s a radical notion, but it may be just what our ailing farm economy needs. Farmers have been wounded by high interest rates, low commodity prices, and government interference. The Carter Administration embargoed grain sales to the Soviet Union and wheat prices fell. The threat of a renewal of such an embargo by the Reagan Administration has again caused prices to plummet. With interest rates at stultifyingly high levels it is no wonder much of the joy has been taken from the farm.
Hence, it is time the family wheat farm was outlawed. The advantages to farmers would be many.
First, prohibiting a product is the perfect way to increase demand. As soon as you tell someone he can’t have something, it is precisely what he most desires. Prohibition did nothing to rid the nation of its alcoholic thirst. If anything, it heightened it—people who had never tasted rotgut whiskey suddenly longed for the romance of sipping illegal booze. The illegality of drug usage is certainly one of its most endearing charms.
For decades the Kansas Wheat Commission has, with dubious result, attempted to get people to eat more bread. All it would take to increase demand drastically would be to tell people they can no longer have Kansas wheat and the thing they would most want is a loaf of whole wheat bread. People would certainly pay more than $3.70 a bushel.
Meeting the rising demand would present no problem. Since we rarely see a state or even a county law enforcement official out here in the country, farmers could continue growing wheat with impunity.
If wheat farming were illegal, there would be a huge influx of capital into the state. Mafia cash, laundered Republican Party money, and big labor slush funds would suddenly be made available to farmers who were involved in the illicit production of wheat. Interest rates would go down due to the availability of funds.
Finally, because wheat would technically be illegal the federal government would be unable to embargo foreign sales. They never embargo sales of marijuana to the Soviet Union, do they?
The farmers’ associations, tractorcades, and rallies have done little to enhance the plight of the American wheat farmer. So now we must turn to our legislators for aid. It’s time they acted together to save the family wheat farm in Kansas. It is time they took bold action to preserve the golden wheat fields of the American plains. It is time the legislature talked about something besides school finance, highway improvement, and the severance tax.
It is time wheat was outlawed in the state of Kansas….